Savages

Friday night Julie and I watched the 2007 movie “Savages.” A friend from work recommended and loaned it to me. He said it was based loosely on a portion of the writer’s life. He said “I think you can take it.”

A brother and sister deal very truthfully with the care of their aging father after he is diagnosed with dementia. The story begins with their father being evicted after his “common law” wife of 20 years passes.

There are not many similarities to my situation. I was never abused, and I was VERY close to my father. However, there were a couple of places which touched like a hot poker.

In one scene the brother says “we are not savages for doing this” as they leave their father in a nursing home. While dad was never in a nursing home I remember bringing up the discussion of “hospice.” How do you say “I love you” while proposing that you have given up the fight? Dad had not given up. It might have been a fronted positive attitude, or he may have truly believed he would beat the cancer. But there was either disappointment or anger, or frustration when I brought it up. He knew though I was insistent on him meeting with the hospice people. We (the family in general) simply wanted to ensure we cared for him the way he wanted.

It was also hard watching caregivers getting him ready for bed or handing diapers to the daughter before boarding the plane to take him “home.”

Dad never wanted to be in a hospital, let alone a nursing home. His home was designed around living there until he died. And, he did just that.

- Craig

Father's Day

Yesterday was Father’s Day – the first without Dad. I received a text from my brother indicating his sadness with this fact. It was tough for most of the day.

My kids were gone for the majority of the day, but Julie and I worked quietly in the yard. After a while, I went into the garage and worked on a project for the beach house. I needed to use some power tools. I did the same thing in August and September of last year after I found out dad had cancer. At that time, I built the top for a large round table for one of our decks – I still haven’t finished it, needing to put on legs and build the benches. Yesterday was a sign with the street number – but it will be completed today.

When Amanda got home from work, we went over to the in-laws. Chad went out on the boat all day with “papa” and Julie’s brothers. When they returned from the boat ride, we barbequed hamburgers and played bocce ball – much to everyone’s surprise (not!) – I was on the winning team (Mike). I know Dad liked bocce ball too – a game for all ages.

Mom called in the afternoon to wish me a “Happy Father’s Day”. She had been outside working all day, finishing yard work. She sounded great. Greg and I will join Mary and Ray in Wyoming late this month into the first week of July. It will be great to see everyone.

I hope all of you enjoyed your “day” too.

- Craig

Appreciation

On Christmas Day 2007 my dad passed away. It is difficult to lose a loved one, whether it is your parent, a brother, a sister or a child. A family pet passing is also a great loss.

Katrina devastated New Orleans and the gulf coast August 29, 2005. Many people lost their lives. Many more people lost their homes and their livelihoods. Amanda spent a week the summer of 2006 rebuilding in a small town in Mississippi – Pass Christian.

Pass Christian Mississippi 2006

Myanmar was devastated by cyclone Nargis the first weekend of May. While by most accounts just fewer than 2000 people lost their lives in Katrina; Myanmar 134,000 lost their lives by recent accounts. “"I knew I'd lost my family," says Myanmar fisherman – the headline of a recent article stated.

Myanmar, Cyclone Nargis, 2008

The recent earthquake in China also killed as many as 50,000 people. The news of schools collapsing on children bothers me tremendously. Do we value our children so little that schools would be “cost effective” or in other words, poorly designed and cheaply built? The videos of parents standing by the demolished schools waiting to see or hear of a child surviving is heartbreaking – especially when you remember China’s policy of “one child” families. They lost their only child.

Sichuan Province China Earthquake, 2008

People have lost everything. I have lost nothing in comparison.

While I have lost family pets, aunts, uncles, grandparents and my father – and shed many tears – I am still blessed. I have a whole new appreciation for what God has given me – and what He hasn’t taken away.

- Craig

Favorite Joke

I have lots of "favorite" jokes. I am not exactly sure what "joke" was Dad's favorite, but I remember him telling this one (and I can remember him chuckling vividly as he said the punch line):

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time, lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: “Paint…my…house.”

-Craig

Once in a Lifetime

“There exists snippets … etched into the fabric of time .... scripted by a power with perfect timing … that know no bounds, … to be remembered and cherished ...”

While I use this quote from the “Golden Buddha” by Clive Cussler and Craig Dirgio (The Berkley Group by arrangement with Sandecker, RLLLP, 2003) without permission, I do so with great respect for both the author and the content.

These particular words speak to me. They remind me of my father – a once in a lifetime person.

The question begs to be asked. What are the once in a lifetime events we experience? We might remember our first kiss or our first true love. I don’t remember either of these. I don’t recall my first dog Butch – other than by name and breed.

I do remember snippets of my wedding day or particular vacations. I would say many are even etched and scripted.

I remember the birth of my children and the first time my father held them in the hospital. I can feel the joy dad felt when each of them was born, a granddaughter, a grandson, and three more granddaughters. Each held a special place and he talked proudly about all of their achievements.

The difficult portion of the quote is “with perfect timing.” Are these memories of events perfectly timed? I think so. I believe each of the events in our lives occur for a reason, and are perfectly timed. Whether we like it or not, we get what we need when we need it – scripted by a higher power.

Dad said he would make it to Christmas and he did – etched into the fabric of time, scripted by a power with perfect timing, to be remembered and cherished.

- Craig

Names

When I was working on Dad’s obituary and eulogy I got to thinking about middle names. Dad’s middle name is Sanford. His twin brother’s middle name was Manford – after Grandpa Edmonds – Manford Wayne. Dad was the oldest so you might think he would have Manford as his middle name… instead he got the rhyming first name to Grandpas’ middle.

I know Dad really liked his middle name. His signature always included his middle initial. My signature includes mine as well. Alexander (defender or helper of mankind) is a long middle name. Chad (warrior's town) has the same middle name as me. Julie (youth) and I liked the name Brandon, but Brandon Edmonds seems like too many “Ns” and your tongue tends to stick to the top of your mouth when you have too many Ns and several syllables.

Amanda’s middle name is my mother-in-law’s maiden name – Dupree. I say “Do-Pray” after the French pronunciation, but everyone else says “Do-Pree.” I like both. Amanda means “lovable, worthy to be loved.” Ain't that the truth!

Sometimes people combine long first names with short middle names or vice versa. A lot of thought goes into names. Some are hand-me-downs or have family meaning. People always buy baby books to find the “true meaning” of a name. Mine means “from the Crag” – it reminds me of the title of a Sci-Fi thriller – “From the Black Lagoon”.

Many people want their names to mean “love,” “strength,” or “gift of God.” Sanford means “negotiator.” How true of my dad!

I hate it when people combine two halves of two different names. Yes they are unique, and they can sound beautiful, but they are always hard to spell. You know what I mean.

- from the Crag

Concrete

I became an expert pouring concrete. While I can’t make my living at it, I’ve poured a lot.

I remember helping build forms for the foundation of the cabin. This was my first exposure… digging, nailing, leveling… all of the skills of carpentry and child slavery. It was early ’62. I was five.

Packing to remove air as you pour.

I’ve poured what seemed like miles of concrete around the edges of the lawn. Dad said it would keep the grass out of the flower beds and make it easier to mow and edge – most of which benefited everyone but him. Mom weeded with Greg and I helped. Dad mowed occasionally, so the benefit truly was a lesson for the boys.

At my home in Kent I learned to poured exposed aggregate – my father in-law taught me that – 3/8ths plus or minus, gently floated between the leveled forms I had built – a walkway from the front through an arbor covered arch to the deck I built.

The slab for the shed in Seatac, the curbing under the chain link fencing Dad taught me to stretch between cemented metal poles.

I expanded the width of my current driveway with Dad’s help one day when we poured the slab for the dog kennel Jake used for about a week. We just couldn’t see fit to leave him alone outside. That was eleven years ago.

I have a newer walkway poured with forms to look like a stone pathway. It also runs through an arbor gate.

Dad taught me so many life skills. I miss him.

- Craig