Savages

Friday night Julie and I watched the 2007 movie “Savages.” A friend from work recommended and loaned it to me. He said it was based loosely on a portion of the writer’s life. He said “I think you can take it.”

A brother and sister deal very truthfully with the care of their aging father after he is diagnosed with dementia. The story begins with their father being evicted after his “common law” wife of 20 years passes.

There are not many similarities to my situation. I was never abused, and I was VERY close to my father. However, there were a couple of places which touched like a hot poker.

In one scene the brother says “we are not savages for doing this” as they leave their father in a nursing home. While dad was never in a nursing home I remember bringing up the discussion of “hospice.” How do you say “I love you” while proposing that you have given up the fight? Dad had not given up. It might have been a fronted positive attitude, or he may have truly believed he would beat the cancer. But there was either disappointment or anger, or frustration when I brought it up. He knew though I was insistent on him meeting with the hospice people. We (the family in general) simply wanted to ensure we cared for him the way he wanted.

It was also hard watching caregivers getting him ready for bed or handing diapers to the daughter before boarding the plane to take him “home.”

Dad never wanted to be in a hospital, let alone a nursing home. His home was designed around living there until he died. And, he did just that.

- Craig